Welcome to the wacky world of skabone!
Professional procrastinator, coffee enthusiast, and part-time secret superhero. This site is 87% jokes and 13% HTML. Viewer discretion is advised.
The short version
Hello! I'm skabone. I was born on a stormy Tuesday (or was it Wednesday? I wasn't paying attention) and quickly became known for my ability to turn any conversation into a tangent about penguins.
By day, I'm a professional procrastinator - my to-do list has its own to-do list. By night, I moonlight as a coffee critic, nap researcher, and occasional secret superhero (my power is finding things that were in my hand five seconds ago).
I believe in living life one bad decision at a time, and that every problem can be solved with either more coffee or a nap. Sometimes both. I also hold the unofficial world record for "most tabs open without the browser crashing."
99%
Procrastination efficiency
∞
Cups of coffee per day
47th
World pineapple rank
0
Things I remember
Things I do
I have a world-class collection of socks you can't see. They're extremely rare - nobody can find them, which is why the laundry keeps losing them.
By day I rest my eyes. By night I test pillows for a secret government sleep agency. The stakes are high. The blankets are flannel.
Ranked #47 in the world for medium-difficulty pineapple slicing. My signature move is the spiral cut, and yes, it's as impressive as it sounds.
I rate coffee shops on a strict scale of 'acceptable' to 'why did I pay five dollars for this warm milk.' My reviews have been read by at least three people.
I speedrun losing at classic video games. Current record: 8 seconds before dying in Super Mario Bros. World record holders are sweating.
When two people disagree on whether a cloud looks like a bunny or a duck, I step in. My rulings are final and legally binding in three counties.
EDIT: Replace these with your real hobbies above
Proof I exist
Me, winning an award for 'Most Likely to Be Distracted by a Bird.'
My coffee station. The plant died, but the mug collection is thriving.
The championship trophy from the 2024 Pineapple Slicing Invitational.
The 'nap lab' - a dedicated space for quality unconsciousness.
EDIT: Replace the SVG placeholders with your real photos above
Holler at me
Got a meme you want to share? Found my invisible socks? Want to challenge me to a pineapple slicing duel? Drop a message below. (This form doesn't actually send - but it makes me look professional.)